What daring greatly feels like

A hot summer day in Bucharest!

I am thinking of the next group workshop. I have a lot of ideas, however not all I tried in the past worked. Maybe it wasn’t the right timing, nor the right subject. But that didn’t stop me from moving forward. Because there’s no other place I can go right now than up. There was a quote I shared on social media once: “When you reach rock bottom, the only way you can go is up.”

Today I am holding a private couple session. Before each individual or group session, I like to meditate, to connect to the people I will be seeing, and set an intention. I like to combine elements from coaching, mindfulness, inspiring talks, books, workshops, courses, journeys which I experienced and tried for myself.

Before today’s session, I decide to watch a talk with Brene Brown on Netflix: “The call to courage”. I’ve watched it before, but now I am looking to see whether I can add something more to my session. But to my surprise, I found a totally different thing than I expected to.

I told you that I saw it before, hence I did not expect that until the end of the talk I will have my eyes flooded in tears. What changed since the first time I saw it? Everything!

The first time I’ve watched it I was still dreaming of dedicating myself fully on working with people, of leaving my tax advisory job behind. I was still dreaming of moving one step further towards my life’s mission. I was still dreaming….

But now, when I am watching it, I am full IN my dream. I cry because now I know what daring greatly feels like: it is messy, it is hard, it is scary, but it is the most amazing journey of my life. I can see myself in the picture I painted in my mind when Brene talks about how her daughter struggles to finish a swim challenge while everyone else already finished it. I can see myself covered in mud, full of shame and exposed in the arena. And I cry because it hurts, but it is totally worth it. I cry because I start having flashbacks with all the times I thought I can’t do it anymore but I could a little more. This is how I pushed my mind and body to the limits of mountain climbing at 5,000 meters in Peru, short of breath, and to some many other challenges I took on over the years.

Let me rewind.

A couple of years ago I celebrated the pay day in the mall, shopping. In my mind, I needed to reward myself for all the efforts I have put into one month’s work with some more things I taught I needed. Things which helped me fill in the void I had but at that time was unaware of.

I realized that my shopping was out of control when I went to a MAC store and bought 200 Euro worth makeup even though I already had much more than needed at home. I wasn’t even a makeup artist. My eating habits were also showing how large my void was.

It was not that I did not had a stable job, nor a happy marriage, nor a lovely family. But I was far from my soul’s mission which I knew nothing about at that time.

The fact that all people I knew couldn’t wait for the weekends to come, including myself, got me questioning our purpose on this Earth.

A friend of mine introduced me to group meditation. It felt good and I was more relaxed after. However, the effects went by fast, since not all people I ran into my daily life were quite Zen. So, even though I started joining different groups for meditation sessions, those were not enough, as I did not make it a daily practice. The more I started working on myself, the more I started feeling that I need fixing. It was like going to the dentist. You go for a tooth ache and then the dentist shows you a lot of other cavities which you need to fix, and end up with a monthly intervention plan. I quit shopping for healing sessions. I spent all the money I had for self-healing but knew that new perspectives are opening up for me.

Then, I went in India for a spiritual retreat. Even though I did not imagine myself becoming a spiritual person, something felt right. I left India longing to come back one day. During that time, I also started the coaching school which was bringing my transformational process to a deeper level.

Soon, I came to realize that the job I had did not brought any soul meaning for me (apart from the financial one, of course, which allowed me to pay for my healing sessions) and that my mission was another one: dedicate myself to working with people. 

And so I started exploring the possibility of becoming a full-time coach.

During January, I joined another group for an even deeper journey into ourselves: Compassionate Inquiry. This course is bringing so much into surface through all the materials, teachings and therapy sessions we are practicing weekly. We dove straight into childhood trauma, addictions, attachments, disconnection and so much more. Pieces started to fall into place while others fell off.

As the Universe pulls you out were you no longer need to be, I made the leap. Full on, no back-up plan, no safety net, no nothing: I quit my tax advisory job. I did not want my soul passion to be a part time job. I wanted to dedicate myself fully to it.

Through the help of my family and friends, I gathered enough money to go to Peru for an Ayahuasca retreat (you can read more about it in my previous article). I was so dedicated to my self-healing and transformational process that I went through the shame of not being able to pay back my debts, through the fear of being judged, through the anxiety of waking up in the morning and not knowing whether I will make it or not. I also hit raised eyebrows, fears, stories of how other people failed, misconceptions, doubt, and so on. But I ignored them all, having an inner feeling that what I am doing is right. Whenever I felt down I received some feedback from someone thanking me for the session we had and saying how I have impacted them. And this kept me going. I was in the arena. I was daring greatly. And I choose to do so every morning I wake up.

I chose to take care of myself first before working with people and I am still working on myself daily. It is a work in progress but there is no other way. There are no shortcuts, but I have never been so passionate about something my entire life.

While at the beginning of my journey I had the feeling that I need fixing, now, after so much work, I can say that we are never broken, nor incomplete. We are whole, just as we are. We just need some guidance towards our own essence. My guidance was meditation, workshops, healing sessions, India, Peru, soul families and friends, Compassionate Inquiry, Mind Learners, every client and so much more. But the main guide is my Higher self which created all the roadblock which led me to myself and which sent me the right people at the right time.

The answers are all inside of us. We do not need advice nor someone to save us. We need to connect more with ourselves, with compassion and curiosity. We need to dare greatly towards our true selves.

And if you need someone to walk by your side in your own transformational journey, I am here for you.

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