Under the pile of documents, reports, time-sheets, minutes of the meetings, to do lists, etc., there they are: headache pills, stomach pills, nausea pills. Whatever works to soothe the pain, the nausea, whatever works to get you through the pressure, the stress. A report is due by 12:00, after that there is a team meeting for which you should have prepared a list of ideas and client opportunities to sustain the company’s target for this financial year. Your spouse is calling you, but you don’t have time to answer. You will talk at home, if he/she will stay awake by that time.
You tell yourself the same story over and over again: this is the last time I am pushing this much – hang on until autumn, when the promotions are announced. But then the time passes, with or without the promotion, the spouse is still there or not, but the pills are always there, on your desk. What does it mean work-life balance? Except for the balance on your bank account, you don’t know any other balance.
Praying for the weekends, for a breath of air. It isn’t always the same. There are days when you are grateful for the people, for the connections you formed, for the client’s gratitude. There is also the fame of working in a big company. This is what you were dreaming of: working for a big company and earning the respect of others. Is it really?
Some people around you seem to handle it pretty easy: they have time to go to the gym, to take vacations, to spend time with their families. So, you think that there is something you are doing wrong. You must work harder, more efficiently, but it never seems to be enough.
You are in a loop from which you cannot get out. When was the last time you did something that filled your soul, that brought you happiness and peace? When was the last vacation you took, and you completely disconnected from work? You are calling it “work” because it requires a lot of effort. But it doesn’t have to be like this.
A.H. Almaas says “Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard, they are actually yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. That part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself.”
So, each time you see yourself in a loop, in a difficult situation, experiencing pain, grief, anger, the part of you that is desperately trying to wake you up is sending you signs. There is something you need to learn, there is something you need to see. And every time you are ignoring these signs, that part of you “will go to extreme measures to wake you up. It will make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is it’s purpose.”
But there isn’t something you are doing on purpose. All the mental and physical illnesses have a huge unconscious component.
So, next time you feel the urge to take a pill, notice what your body is trying to tell you, what signs does it give you. Become aware. Next time you feel anger, realize that under that anger there is pain. Inquire into it. Next time you feel stuck, speed down and breathe. What lessons do you still need to learn?
And if you need help with your journey, I get it and I am here for you. Just send me a message.